‘Rabenmutter’ – the undermining of women

In the same way that the elections of Margaret Thatcher and Indira Gandhi did not herald the equality of women, let alone the rise to the top, in the UK or India the undoubted success of Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor and possibly the most successful European politician, is not an indicator of the success of German women in the workplace. I am now wondering if her nickname of “mutti” ie Mummy is affectionate or ever so slightly patronising.

I have just returned from a few days in Berlin. I never need an excuse to visit Berlin but the reason this time was to attend the Cornerstone Conference of the International Women’s Forum – I am on the board of the UK organisation and have been involved in our international collaborations so it was about time I joined in the fray.

The conference was a fascinating mixture of talks, debates and socialising with our German hosts and our international colleagues. A thread running through was how very difficult the position of women with children is in Germany.  It is perhaps notable that Mrs Merkel does not have children – being a rabenmutter is not an insult that can be hurled at her.  A rabenmutter – literally a ‘raven mother’ is the epithet used to denigrate mothers who work. The interpretation is that a raven mother is a loveless, heartless, cruel, unnatural, or uncaring mother; a bad mother who does not take good care of her children – and not because she is hanging around the pub, the tennis club, lunching with friends or shopping - but working.

Germany has a problem: the birth rate is declining rapidly, there is a brain drain of talent out of the country - the brain drain is particularly acute in information and communications technology and the worry is that where the labour goes the companies will follow. And yet, and yet, they are losing women from the workforce once they have children or women who wish to pursue careers are choosing not to have children or to limit the number of children they have to one. Only 14% of women with a child return to full-time work and only 6% with two children. I am connecting the dots, are you? 

We heard from a number of very senior women and with rare exceptions they made their mark in non-German companies first – academic careers at Harvard and MIT, jobs with Shell, BP, in the pharmaceutical industry – and so on. The men we heard from seemed to be more home-grown. The educational system is excellent with a powerful focus on vocational careers and the intake into universities is about 50:50. Educated women are excellent mothers and it is good for child and mother (er, and father?) to spend as much time together in the early years – then what?

There are inequalities in pay in the UK, very few women at senior and board level in major companies (improving slowly) but the situation is much worse in Germany: Germany may no longer be the country of the prewar - Kinder, Küche, Kirche (children, kitchen, church) but this was disappointing. Berlin on the other hand never disappoints, neither do my women colleagues.

The butterfly effect and trafficking of women....

In chaos theory the butterfly effect is a metaphor that postulates that a small change at one place in a complex system can have large effects elsewhere: the example is that a butterfly flapping its wings in one part of the world can contribute to a hurricane in another.

The horrifying kidnap of schoolgirls in Nigeria and the inaction of the Nigerian government for so long, now gradually slipping down the news agenda - and this is just one example of the low status of women in many developing world cultures. I saw an interview with Sister Rosemary Nyirumbe– see Time 100 for her speech about the work she does in Uganda taking care of girls who were kidnapped, forced into slavery and to become child soldiers, shunned by family and their villages and now raising their children born through rape.

Women are objectified in our society – and if they don’t measure up to someone’s physical ideal they can be vilified – reference what happened (mostly on line) to Professor Mary Beard. See her lecture The Public Voice of Women at the British Museum – a brilliant piece by a brilliant woman starting with Odysseus and Penelope and their son Telemachus, throughout history and referencing her own experience, and I quote “

For a start it doesn’t much matter what line you take as a woman, if you venture into traditional male territory, the abuse comes anyway. It’s not what you say that prompts it, it’s the fact you’re saying it. And that matches the detail of the threats themselves. They include a fairly predictable menu of rape, bombing, murder and so forth.”

We still don’t have universal equal pay for women in Europe (and other developed countries), there is a lack of representation of women on the boards of most major companies and we have a very poor showing of women in politics – let alone in government. There is a series of trials underway of men who have used positions of authority to abuse women and sexist and misogynistic behavior is still part of our everyday life.  It can be overt, offensive or subtle but pervasive.  We were getting off a tour bus in Amsterdam recently when the guide said, “please remember to take all your possessions, your coat, your cameras your wife” cue laughter..... This is hardly abuse but it jarred – if he had said “husband” instead would I have laughed?  – but he didn’t.

This brings me to the butterfly effect.  Does the effect of naked breasts on page three of The Sun (not breasts feeding a baby, wouldn't that be shocking) contribute to the kidnapping, forced marriage, rape and trafficking of women in Africa? 

Black is black – not café au lait

There used to be a joke doing the rounds about the incompetent waiter who, when asked for coffee without cream, said, “we don’t have any cream, will you have it without milk?”  Boom, boom!

I drink my coffee black – Americano, filter, (anything but instant) and I don’t add anything to it: no sugar, no sweetener, no milk, no cream no creamer. Yet when I order a black coffee (black Americano, black filter etc) it inevitably comes with milk on the side – in a jug, in a pod but milk.  If I wanted the milk separately I would ask for “milk on the side” or “milk separately” but I don’t.  I ask for black coffee.

I have started to become a bit obsessed with this and I believe that the odds of getting just a cup of black coffee are something like one in ten. This is not only in the UK – I noticed the same phenomenon in Amsterdam.  I worry about all those little jugs of milk where, presumably, once they are returned to the kitchen undrunk they are thrown away.  Of course they may be recycled and given to the next person who orders black coffee .......... 

If I ruled the world (of museums)

The song may go “If I ruled the world, every day would be the first day of spring” but I have a different plan.

As mentioned in the last blog, we were in Amsterdam last week. The timing of this trip was around the tulips at Keukenhof and the renovated Rijksmuseum.  I have dealt with the first and now for the second:  the renovation stretched over ten years and cost £320 million.  The publicity says that the museum has been re-invented and it certainly has. We spent almost the whole day there and my tolerance is usually only a couple of hours. The collection is as wonderful as ever but the design and display is superbly done – with a super restaurant which offers two croissants as normal for breakfast......

If I ruled the world I could insist that the museum was closed to the public so I could have a private view but that would be a bit eerie and quite mean. I would institute a rule for museums and art galleries that for a two hour slot every day, no group bookings, no guided tours, no cameras (including smart phones) and no audio guides. One could then wander and look without having to elbow through groups standing in front of a painting blocking all views while they listen to a guide (saying everything in three languages) or with a vacant stare listening to the audio guide before skipping the next six paintings which are not covered by the guide.

(My best ever gallery experience was at one of my favourites – The Wallace Collection – I was at a corporate “do” and as soon as the speeches were over and everyone was tucking into the drinks and food, I went up to the collection and had it almost to myself for an hour before the rest came up – bliss. My worst "viewing" experience was the Sistine Chapel.  We booked in advance which was just as well as the queue was five deep and stretched for half a kilometre. Once inside it was so jammed that you stood shoulder to shoulder to look up and hope someone didn't knock you over.)  

I don’t have anything against guided tours (have had some amazing ones), audio guides etc – have used them myself but they are a pain because you keep being blocked by huge groups crowded round a painting. Cameras are a nuisance as there is always someone spending ages close to the picture, trying to line up that perfect photo – look at the painting – you can probably get a photo online or buy a postcard.  You cannot replicate the experience of just looking – not listening to anyone – just looking. Be in the moment.

Abroad is foreign – oh no it isn’t (but this was unique - yes, the only one of its kind!)

A friend sent through a list put together by staff of a travel company of complaints they have received such as “We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish” and "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."

The list is long and quite funny but having just come back from a European city my feeling was that all big city centres now look the same.  Within ten minutes walk from our hotel there were the following, McDonalds, Burger King, Waterstones, Accessorize, Karen Millen, Starbucks, Lush, Body Shop, Superdry, Abercrombie and Fitch, H&M, Timberland, Subway, Ben & Jerry – the list goes on and, no, I wasn’t in London’s Oxford Street nor in the USA – I was in Amsterdam.

We haven’t visited Amsterdam for probably 25 years and the change was dramatic. We had two reasons for visiting now – the first was to visit the refurbished Rijksmuseum, which was sensational. The second was to go to Keukenhof to see the tulips – I have never been and although have no interest in gardening but do like flowers, I thought this was something I should see.  I  thought all tulips looked like the ones you see in supermarkets - tulip shaped….  nothing can describe the variety of shapes and of course the colours were amazing.  My expectation was that I would see this

 but in fact most of the display is in wonderful landscaped gardens more like this

and here is just a small sample.

                            

 

We ordered bulbs for delivery in the Autumn to plant and bring back a few memories – go early in the day before the crowds arrive.

PS I know this isn't properly formatted but life is too short to fiddle around with it any more.

Should we be afraid

I remember Johannesburg in late 1976 – the riots, which started in Soweto in June of that year, had spread to other townships including Alexandra, a few miles from where we lived. The atmosphere was tense and uneasy. We knew that the press was censored so you never knew what was rumour or fact – no Internet nor overseas media.

We had returned to Johannesburg from London in 1970 to be closer to family but had not really settled.  While on the surface life was comfortable we began to realise that if we were not part of the solution we were part of the problem and by this point had decided to return to London.

My husband had two members of staff, an black African woman and a white Swedish woman. The black woman went out at lunchtime one day and was handed a leaflet which she was told to give to her white employer and which she did. She shrugged when she handed it to my husband and was fairly dismissive. It was badly reproduced, lots of typos and poor grammar but the message was clear – a certain day was declared “kill a white baby day” and domestic staff were urged to rise up and do that. Who produced the leaflet we never knew – a group, a couple of extremists, a political party – we never knew. The day passed like every other day.

I was concerned enough to go to the nursery school nearby where our children were and speak to the principal.  She showed me how the school had been designed so that it could be closed off – all windows faced into the courtyard - and there was a secret exit further down the road.  I was reassured, but convinced that I didn’t was to live my life like this.  (She was an amazing woman – Dr Unez Smuts (a great-niece of former Prime Minister General Jan Smuts) the first female minister in the Congregational Church of Southern Africa. She was a truly wise woman and I used to listen to her on the “Epilogue” SABC’s equivalent of Radio 4’s “Thought for the Day”. She retired some years ago and in googling her I see that the property is on the market – read about Dr Smuts and St Stephen's School

Why am I writing about this now? Last night we saw a press conference with John Kerry speaking about the talks that had concluded in Geneva about the Ukraine.  I have no idea who are the good guys and the bad guys, who is right and who is wrong but one comment he made which struck me was about a leaflet distributed in Donetsk to Jews leaving the synagogue after the Passover service. It called for all Jews over 16 years old to register as Jews and supply a detailed list of all the property they own, or else have their citizenship revoked, face deportation and see their assets confiscated.

It would now appear that these are not official (whatever that means in this context) and that they are a few individuals trying to provoke unrest.  To some extent they have succeeded as this news has reverberated amongst the Jewish communities in many countries.  This is an unsettling time of the year – Passover marks the flight of the Jews from slavery in Egypt – emotions are nearer the surface than usual perhaps.

How to turn that frown upside down

I always read the complaints section of “Which” and the Sunday papers.  Most of the time they obtain a positive result from the travel company /bank/insurance company/electricity supplier/ etc that has failed to rectify a problem. No doubt the threat of publicity sometimes does the trick but at least the publicity warns the unwary or the less dogged when it comes to complaining. 

Sometimes you don’t really need to do very much and that is when the frown becomes a smile.

I wrote earlier about our recent trip on the Hurtigruten ferry along the Norwegian coast into the Arctic Circle.  Despite just a brief glimpse of the Northern Lights we had a fabulous trip.  But it didn’t start so well.......

Number One Husband and I are notorious for being exceptionally early for everything. Miss a plane or train – doesn’t happen to us.

We arrived at Gatwick Airport for our flight to Bergen long before we needed to – lots of time to have a leisurely breakfast – and as we walk to the empty check-in desk I am composing an amusing text to our children about being so early that no one else was there.  We were somewhat stunned to find that the flight had just closed – at 8.15.  Our paperwork said 10.40.  We were shown to an information desk where we found another couple with the same problem.  Over the course of the next hour sixteen of us assembled (known from then on as the Gatwick Sixteen). They contacted Hurtigruten who agreed that they had given us the wrong paperwork.  These were their actions:

-        Immediately £20 in cash each to get some breakfast

-        return at 1100 to be transferred by coach to Heathrow

-        rebooked on a flight at 2000 (OK not my most fun day)

-        coach waiting to take us to the ship (we were promised they would not   sail without us)

-        dining room kept open so we could have a meal

-        a bottle of wine in the cabin (value about £36)

-        a letter of explanation and apology with a cheque for £100 each this week (not just a credit for a future trip which some travel companies do).

Apart from a hassle at the start and although it was not how we were planning to spend the first afternoon of our holiday it was dealt with efficiently, politely and blame accepted right from the start.

I recommend them.